It was after Dad died that things became interesting. My client, his surviving wife, is the Personal Representative of his estate.

The estate is rather uncomplicated, in a way. While it is comprised only of cash, there are many creditors from his final illness. And there are the kids.

They both are apparently interested in one thing only: when do I get mine. My client expects this from the creditors, but not from the kids.

Initially supportive, they now call only to see how soon a check can be sent. No more "hi, how are you today"; just "when will that check get here, again?" My client is concerned that the kids have already spent all the money before they even got it – before they even knew how much it was.

She feels like "Mommy Warbucks," just a moneybag with legs. It's disconcerting and hurtful to her. She is deeply disappointed in them.

One even brought her family and moved back home, expecting to "live off the dole." Not even seeking employment, she and her husband just lolled around the house, watching TV and raiding the fridge. My client loved having the grandchildren around for awhile, and now wonders how to get rid of them without a bitter fight. She works fulltime; why can't they?

This sad but true story underscores several key principles of estate planning. First, failing to plan is planning to fail. The root problem is that Dad had no will and had not thought things through.

Second, especially in blended families, be realistic about the depth of relationships and the corrosive effect of an inheritance. Nothing dissolves the tie that binds like money.

Third, help your adult children continue to develop good money management habits by making them wait for their inheritance. Use a trust to distribute money over time, rather than allowing them to spend it all at once.

Fourth, and finally, choose your Executor and Trustee carefully. Make sure that he or she can't be manipulated, intimidated or taken advantage of by your beneficiaries. In a blended family, strongly consider a professional trustee, such as an attorney, bank or trust company.