Even in a "traditional" community like Mt. Airy, many couples have chosen to live together without entering the bonds of matrimony. While great minds might debate the morality of that choice, the planner’s duty is to see to the orderly transition of asset control, so that loved ones are provided for and assets are not wasted in unnecessary proceedings.

The unwed couple faces several hurdles to orderly planning. First and foremost, the law has extended protections to marriage that it hasn’t extended to unmarried couples. Those in unmarried relationships seek certainties similar to those sought by married couples if their relationships dissolve, and upon death.

In addition, unmarried couples, no less than married couples, partake of the "his, hers and ours" childrearing propensities of our culture. While the rights of stepchildren and their stepparents are fairly well established, the child of a surviving partner has no inheritance rights in the estate of a deceased partner. Moreover, the surviving partner in such a relationship may be disfavored by the Courts when seeking guardianship of the child of a deceased partner.

The simplest answer in such situations is for the couple to formalize their bond through marriage. For couples who choose not to do so, careful planning is in order.

If a couple has been parenting the children of one of them, and that partner dies, the other parent of the children, if alive, has rights to the guardianship of the children of the deceased partner superior to the rights of the surviving partner. In many cases that is acceptable, but in some situations it is not. Documenting the reasons why the other parent might not be a fit parent is important, so that the court can make the right decision in awarding guardianship.

Upon the dissolution of the relationship, the parties will be treated at law as a simple partnership. Assets are not distributed according to the doctrine of equitable distribution, which seeks fundamental fairness; but rather by a much more rigid determination of the legal rights and contractual obligations of the parties. Thus, agreements between partners become very important, establishing in effect the private law of their relationship.

Upon death of one partner of an unmarried couple, the surviving partner has no rights in the estate of the deceased. If the deceased partner has no will, assets will never pass to the survivor. Worse, if the deceased partner were still married to someone else, that surviving spouse would have rights in the property of the deceased partner. Thus, forms of titleholding, wills and trust become paramount.

Combining these latter two can be tricky. The intentions of the parties upon dissolution of the relationship are often radically different from the intentions of the parties if one of them dies while the other maintains fidelity to the relationship. Thus, the will and trust must be coordinated carefully with the property agreement.

This planning, if done correctly, is not inexpensive, but as a form of insurance of your wishes, is worthwhile. Consult your planning professional to be sure your plans encompass the complexities of your life.